Scared...

The side of my desk is parallel to the wall and I sit on top of my desk with my back to that wall. My dubstep is loud and my door is open, which is unusual. But tonight, I don't really care who hears my music. My little corner is empty, void, white. The drawers are all pulled out, lined up and stacked in my closet. My lovely little corner will no longer be home. Soon my home will be my home. I'm trying to be ok with that. I moved all my things back home tonight and I stood in the corner of my room staring at everything and I just got depressed. I would soon be stuck in one room/one house for a while. I know I can go out and do things but I've enjoyed the freedom of these last two months. Come and go as I want. Plenty of people who are literally a two minute walk away. I'm going to miss the convenience of it all. It's a funny feeling because I know I live close and I know I can come back whenever I want to. But I still feel like I will be disconnected. I do know that there are a few people who are more than willing to let me stay the night with them on campus, which is nice, and I am definitely going to take them up on that. But it's just going to be an adjustment. I'm hoping I don't get bored, upset, antsy, depressed, and whatever else. I feel like it wouldn't be too hard for that to happen. I'm hoping it doesn't...

So Meg, my RA just came in and said that I was good to go, I did a great job cleaning, and that everything looked good. So I handed her my keys. Well that was a weird feeling. Sigh... I don't know what to think about all of this. I have NO IDEA where I'm going from here. For a while, I think I was kinda excited about that. I have all kinds of opportunities in front of me and I just have to take one and go after something. But now, here I am, and I am scared to death. I'm scared of getting restless and bored and angry because of those feelings. I'm scared that I won't take chances that come my way. I'm scared that I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm scared of doing the wrong thing. I'm scared of making my parents worried when all I want to do is stay in my room all day and be alone, in the dark, with music, in silence, in whatever. I don't want to upset them. I don't want them to worry about me.


 I didn't proofread this blog... O well.