It's Time

So I've been listening to this band called Imagine Dragons a lot today. I heard a song I liked at a store the other day and wrote down some lyrics so I could look it up later and see who made that lovely music. It ended up being this band and the song called It's Time. And sadly, really I am very sad, I hated the music video! At first it seemed like it was the wrong setting for the type of music they were playing(It was all dark and stormy). It seemed like they should have been playing metal or something heavy. And then it totally goes off in this other direction and they find these glowing bulbs, bury them in the ground, and then they explode and the dude goes flying. Really weird. Maybe I'm missing the artistic side of this or something, but it was disappointing for how much I enjoyed their music. And I can honestly say that I really like every song on their Continued Silence EP, especially one called On Top of the World. It is really quite so lovely.

BUT! after doing a little more searching on youtube, I found this lovely little thing. I think this should be the official music video. It's just awesome. It makes me want to see them live. Yay.




On another note, I've been reading Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge. It's a truly wonderful book, good for any woman. There is so much good advice, biblical and personal, along with practical applications. A few things have stuck out to me while reading...

"God says that he will thwart our efforts to find life apart from him... He does this in order to wear us out, get us to turn back to him in thirsty longing. Then he begins to woo us. He often takes us aside from every other source of comfort so that he alone can have our heart's attention."

This is scary to me but also so lovely. Frighteningly true because I have experienced this many a time(you'd think I would get the point by now, ha!), and wonderful for the reason why he does it. Because he loves us. Tremendously. To be wooed by God and taken away(for a short time or permanently) from the things we hold too much value in, in order that our heart's will focus on only him. It sucks at times, but I'm grateful. Sometimes I forget the importance, the value, the amazingness of him who has created me.

O something cool that happened today. I had been reading the book and for a while it had been talking about how women are beautiful and we get our beauty(among other things) from the Lord because he is beautiful. Without really knowing it, this had been on my heart, wondering what other specific things I had gotten from the Lord, but I guess not really grasping it all. And all of a sudden he spoke to me, "You are a creature. You were created. You love creating, and so too, do I." This was so special to me! As an artistic person, it's true, I love to create things, and I love what I create. And by God telling me that I was created, and that he loves to create, he was saying that he loved creating me! First off, this just makes my heart glad, that the God of Heaven took pleasure in creating me and making me exactly who I am. And second, I feel like I have a special connection with him. I get my creativity from my creator. He creates all kinds of wonderful things and he has also put that gift in me to do the same thing. How lovely. Just Yay.

And on top of that, there is this:
"Instead of making me into someone else, he is making me more me. And that is one of the beautiful things about him. That the more his we become, the more ourselves we become; more our true selves."
 The more we grow close to him, the more we grow into who we truly are. I just think that's beautiful. Especially for everyone(myself included) that occasionally(or more often than we'd like to admit) wonders who the heck they are, or what kind of person they are meant to be, etc. We need to stop worrying about it! And become more his. Then you will become more you and I will become more me. 

This is how I feel tonight>>>>
"Praise be to to the Lord, for he showed his wonderful love to me."!!! Psalm 31:21 With exclamations at the end :)

And this empowers me whenever I see it. No it's not talking about an actual woman, but o well.>>>
"God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day." Psalm 46:5

Yay.

Green Eyes

I took a picture of myself the other day when Mel and I hung out. My eyes looked super green and it made me think of this song.
Love me some Coldplay.

We Are Beauties

So today was quite delightful. Melissa and I hung out around downtown La Verne this afternoon and had a splendid time. We sat in Granny's Yogurt for quite some time, not talking much because I was sorta out of it, but we took a few pictures and she got some yogurt.

 

 

Then we walked around ULV, admiring the campus, enjoying the weather, and being silly us. We took a bunch of pictures, a lot of which are on my facebook.

 

 

We stopped and chilled at the fountain, where we both threw pennies and made wishes.

 After all that fun, we headed to the park behind the high school to take some more pics.

 

This girl, she gets me. She knows me as well as I know myself. Always knows what will make me feel better. Always gives the best and funniest advice. I couldn't have asked for a better, more beautiful(inside and out) friend.

The Truth is Only Him

So I haven't been up to a whole lot this week. And this blog is probably going to be all over the place. Lots of random. Yay!

 

So this morning, was just lovely. I had the house to myself for a couple hours and spent some wonderful time with Jesus. It was recommended to me to read a few books of the Bible out loud. I chose Ephesians and... just wow. I'm not sure I have ever been so touched by scripture in one sitting. I cried through most of the book as I spoke the truth out loud. The love, grace, instruction, encouragement that I experienced, was just amazing and beautiful.

So I've been listening to Showbread as I write this(gosh they make me so happy :D) and the song that just came on is the title song, from their album Age of Reptiles. It's wonderful.

 

The world is full of ones like me, who need to see the truth
But the truth is never truth indeed, the truth is only you
The world will soon become extinct, the age will pass away
And all will know that you are God, hallowed be your name

 

Later they continue singing/screaming "the truth is only you", over and over again. They sing it with so much emotion and passion, all for God's truth. It is probably one of my favorite parts of a song. So lovely.

 

Anyway, it was just a wonderful time reading God's word. If you never read the Bible out loud, please do it. And don't just read it like most people do at church when asked to read a scripture(I too am guilty of this), reading through with no emotion. Read it slow, emphasizing certain things and let it get into your heart and mind. It will impact you.

 

After all this, there is a verse I'm really feeling today. Psalm 16:9 "Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices, my body also will rest secure." (I'm pretty sure the context of the body resting secure is in death, but I'm pretty sure God is not going to smite me for taking it another way and being thankful that for the first time in days, my body feels really good. Anxiety has been screwing with me.) Praise God!

 

Moving on to random things....

 

I wrote my last blog inside our tent that we put up in the back yard. This is the view I woke up to the next morning. It was quite lovely waking up outside underneath a tree.

Mom Dad and I worked on this at the church the other day. It's for a mini VBS they will be doing soon. Brought me back to all the times we used the old projectors and traced out the pictures in years past. Like in the gym at Florence Avenue. I specifically remember standing in the bathroom forever, cleaning out paintbrushes after we were done!!

 

And I thought this was a lovely little thing. My choir teacher from high school posted it on facebook and I thought I would save it. I don't know if I'll ever go into the arts as a profession, but I know it will always be a part of my life. Whether it is painting, going to or being in plays, singing, dancing, writing. I love it all.

This is all for now. Hanging with the bestie this afternoon, so perhaps I will have some pictures to share tonight! Woo! :)

Love.

"Camping"



I am writing this from a tent! It's dark outside, but I have a camping lantern so that I can seee! I'm not anywhere super exciting or anything, just in the ol backyard but it's just as nice. The crickets are chirping and some other bug or bird is making weird noises from the tree above. And of course I hear the cars on the street and what not but I'm trying to ignore that :P

I woke up this morning in a much better mood than the last few days and spent time with Jesus. That was definitely needed and is probably why my day was pretty nice. I've been lagging it on the Jesus time lately :/ We went down to Colie's today which was a nice change of pace. We got Taco Bell for lunch and stopped at this cool art place. The lady sold ALL kinds of stuff. Scraps of paper, beads, buttons, wine corks, old hardware, material, and soo much more. And all for pretty cheap too. There were so many wonderful possibilities to create art! But somewhat unfortunately but sorta not, I spent most of my time outside of the shop. Two girls were doing a "class"(sorta) and giving people ideas on how to reuse old t-shirts. I used a free tee they gave me and made it into a skirt! How cool is that? I went home and made another one :) Pics below!

But a few random things first...

Here is a puzzle mom and I did last night. I wanted more puzzles so I walked to the dollar store and bought this one and another that I'm sure we will put together soon. It looks teeny(which it is) but there are 350 itty bitty pieces. 



Played speed scrabble with mom tonight. I'm not sure if it's a real game or just something my family came up with. But you start with a certain number of scrabble tiles and try to make crosswords. Whenever someone uses all their letters to complete their crossword, they say draw and everyone takes another tile. You do that until all the tiles are gone and someone uses all of theirs to win!

Mini how-to: turn an old t shirt into a skirt!

All you need is a t shirt, needle and thread, and scissors.

Cut the shirt about an inch below the sleeves.

Fold the top of the bottom piece over twice and pin it to keep it straight.

Sew it up! I used green cuz I thought it was fun!

 Here is a quick photo of the one I made at the store today. I should have actually put on a cute outfit... haha o well. It's just a cozy skirt to wear around the house or over leggings or something. Woo!

And here I am, in the tent! Listening to Regina Spektor "Blue Lips". Love this song!

Pictures Just For Fun

Here is the puzzle we finally finished a couple days ago. Hardest puzzle ever.

 I also finger painted a little bit today. That was fun. And my lame webcam takes horrible pictures. It looks prettier than this.

 

This is the current background picture on my lappy. A good reminder and it's cool and artsy.

 

:)

This is terribly beautiful. I absolutely love it. Apparently it's an old illustration for something written by Poe. How cool is that?

And this:

Hmm... yes. That would be nice. To be busy loving my life. What does that even look like though? Loving my life looks like smiles, doing more things that make me happy, going out of my way to do things for others, and having adventures worth telling stories about. All that and more.

How can you love your life today more than you did yesterday?

Goodnight lovelies.

Ramblings and Rantings

It's Sunday morning and I've been awake since about 4:30... Not what I would prefer but it's kinda my fault seeing as how I fell asleep around 8 last night. I figured this would happen as I was drifting to sleep but was hoping for the best, an extra long night of sleep. But it turns out it was just a normal amount. I do enjoy being up at this time though. It reminds me of the forty days I spent in Ignite, getting up at about the same time as the sun and spending time with the Lord. The best mornings were when it was warm enough to spend them outside on the landing(It was January and February). I could watch the seagulls flying in the direction of the sea and the sunrise was a reminder of God's glory and his promises.

Here I am a year and a half later. (I can't believe it's been that long.) It makes me think of where I've been and where I'm going. Many significant things have occurred in the last year and a half. Things I am proud of, others I'm not. Some of the best times in my life have happened in this period of time. And also some of the worst. But would I be here without them all? Would I be the same person I am today if I hadn't done or experienced all of it? I don't want this to sound cliche so please know this is all coming from the bottom of my heart. So with all those things said, who is the girl who types these words today? Am I proud of her? Is she who I want her to be? Am I really talking about myself in third person? Ha!
I don't really know how to answer those questions. I do, but I'm afraid of the honest answers. I've done so many things in the last year and a half that I said I would never do. Why? Were these moments of weakness? Where I let sinful desires overwhelm me and take over for a period of time. Well yea I guess so. Going back to an above question. Am I proud of myself? I am proud that I was able to make a decision to step away, while there are so many people who don't have the guts to do it. I am proud of that. I am proud that as a young adult, I looked for a church on my own with nobody telling me too. How many people in my age group would do that?
(You can tell morning has come when the birds start waking up and singing songs : ) )
Am I who I want to be? Do we ever come fully into the person we want to be or that God wants us to be? I don't think we do, because if we did, there would be no room for growing or for change. I can never be "perfected" so there is always room for growth, always room to become more the person God has created me to be.

I've been thinking of other early mornings: spent lying in bed, going to the airport, outside with Jesus, hiking to a cross on top of a hill all by my lonesome, going on hikes, and leaving on an adventure. This really is probably the most beautiful time of day. Yes, sunsets are wonderful and often times more people are able to admire them, but that's why I like sunrises. Less people are even awake to experience them. It's the beginning of a new day.

I've been sitting at the kitchen table this whole time. Looking out the window every few seconds to watch the new day come in. I love the colors of everything. The slightly muted hush tones of the houses across the street. The way the light hits our little front porch and the tiny red painted bench. It's all a wonderful color. But if I think about it realistically, it'd probably be too much if this is what the majority of the day looked like, instead of the fully lighted sunny days we are all so used too. I think that's why sunsets and sunrises are so wonderful. They occur every day but only for short periods of time where the colors change and people often recall past sunrises and sunsets.
<<<<< That made me think of the song from the musical Fiddler on the Roof. Sunrise, Sunset.

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly flow the days
Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers
Blossoming even as we gaze

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears

We sang this in choir and it really is a beautiful song(especially when you know why the characters are singing it). One season following another/Laden with happiness and tears. Anyone else feel that?
Ugh I am so worn out from the latter part. Not that I have been crying much anymore, but just everything that comes along with it. I hung out at my friend Briana's yesterday. As I was leaving, she hugged me a little longer and tigther than usual, told me she loved me and something along the lines of "try to be happy". She told me earlier that I looked sad. I didn't take offense to it or anything but it sorta frustrated me, like really? Do I even have to wear this on my face? My mom has also told me a few times in the last couple days that I look tired.

What's wrong with me? I don't want to look the way I am feeling! And I want to stop feeling the way I am feeling! I'm tired of sitting around at home, letting myself waste away with feelings and emotions that I feel aren't doing me any good. My mom asked me last night how I was doing, if I needed to talk, or if I'm processing things or whatever. Am I processing things? NO. I sit around all day moping to myself, crying inside for the crap I miss and the crap I wish never happened. I'm not processing any of it, I'm just feeling it. And where is that gunna get me? It's just gunna leave me with a broken heart that doesn't feel like healing. It just wants to stay broken because it's less painful to break something that's already broken. But breaking something whole hurts more. Is it twisted that I know this and am probably subconsciously not allowing myself to heal because I am afraid to?
And you know what I just realized? Sleep brings sweet relief. I look forward to night because my thoughts stop for a few hours and I'm able to rest. And I just got pissed when I remembered that it's early morning and that I have to go the rest of this day.

And church doesn't even start for four more hours... Ugh

And now I'm just complaining. So I'll spare you and end this post.

Summer Days

So I haven't written in the last few days... Mostly because we haven't been up to a whole lot of exciting things worth writing about. That and there hasn't been anything on my mind that I actually feel like sharing.

Yesterday morning we put the tent up in the backyard, with intentions of "camping". Turning off all electronics and enjoy being outside, reading books, playing games, and sleeping outside. All while it's 100 degrees outside. Not surprising, we have yet to actually do any of that because it's so darn hot. Maybe tonight.

Colie came over on Wednesday which I had really been looking forward to but I was tired and in a bad mood all day, so that didn't make for a super fun time. Mom, her and I did look at her Pinterest though and all the cute fun things to do or make. She also brought the first two Batman movies over which Mom Dad and I have watched the last two days. Those movies are so good! Haven't seen them in forever so it felt like I was watching new movies.

We went to Barnes and Noble yesterday afternoon, something to do and someplace cool to go. I picked up a book and went to the kid's section(cuz this is the only place you can sit wherever and read a book without the employees telling you to move) to read chapter two. After reading there for a little bit, the area started getting loud and distracting as kids who just got out of school came with their parents to look at books in the air conditioning. Yea, kids are already back at school! This is way to early! Anyway I finished the chapter, put the book back and looked for my parents to see what they were up to. They ended up being ready to go, so we left.

I finished a third library book last night, the one I mentioned before about slavery in Jamaica. The Long Song. Man, that stuff is insane. It disgusts me to think that people thought they were so much better than others just because of where they're born or the color of their skin. And even after slavery was "abolished", the white people still organized a way to keep the black people "enslaved" without calling it that. People were treated like crap and often in the name of God. Ugh. But anyway, the book was very good and was the type that you can't put down for long before wanting to pick it up again and read more. It's written from the perspective of a woman telling a story about a young slave girl but by the end of the book, you realize that it is actually her story she is telling. Good stuff.

Oh and we lost power this morning for about an hour. I woke up at 6:30 because my fan had turned off and it was quiet in my room. Not fun when I was planning on sleeping in as long as possible this morning.

Well, I am off to try and finish this puzzle we've been working on forever.

A Kiss

Did a little bit of writing tonight before I head off to bed.

8.13.12

Her orange tresses wave freely in the sea breeze

Like little paintbrushes, they graze his blank face, a canvas waiting to be painted

His eyes are closed, just as his heart has been for so long

Her lips, red as roses, kiss gently against his

With this delicate yet passionate display he comes alive

His cheeks brighten with a glow like the full moon on the dark ocean blue

The wrinkles in his forehead straighten out, her kiss a hot iron

Warming him deep inside his chest, as his heart gallops faster

Yet he continues to gaze ahead, at nothing more than the darkness behind his lids

After a moment, his ears strain to hear a single softly spoken word, whispered on the wind

Goodbye

In an instant, he gasps for air; his eyes burst open, a vibrant sea blue green, searching desperately for the lips that touched his

But she is nowhere to be seen

Room Makeover (Kristen Edition)

Today my room finally got a bit of color and reorganized. Mom and I spent most of the day working on putting things up, organizing, and coming up with ideas for the space. I also got a two hour nap in there!

I started out by moving my bed katty korner(sp?) so I could have more room in that tiny corner/along the wall on the right to do artsy things. Then I thought it'd be cool to hang up my tapestry thing across the string already hanging there(it had different patterned penants hanging from it). I finally found a good way to hang up that piece of material that I got in Portland :) 

Also put my curtains back up

Mom put this all together

Kenya corner

Van Gogh's above the mirror and a Georgia O'Keefe

Splendid. The heart will hold my most recent letters
Workout on top left. Ha!

Love the prayer of St. Francis and that bible verse on the bottom

Cozy corner. My homemade pillows, Portland and basket of books

I needed a place to keep all my journals and current books I'm reading in one place.
Momma came up with this. Basket full of books!

And then there's this empty space. It's big so I'm not sure what will go there.

Emmie hopped on my bed so I made her take a pic with me :)

So that was my day. I'm currently listening to Owl City(ha!), reminds me of my summer in Oregon. I'm ready for the days to be cooler, or at least to cool off by the evening. I want to sit in the late afternoon with my windows open enjoying a nice breeze and outside sounds. That's a ways off though. Sad day.
Not sure what tomorrow holds. Maybe I'll actually sit down to write and/or paint. I really need to get on that. And call unemployment offices so I don't drown from my bills in my jobless state.Yuck!

Colie comes over on Wednesday! Woo

Night all!

Time with Momma

I didn't feel up to going to my dad's concert today, so Mom and I stayed home and spent the afternoon/evening together. We watched It Takes Two(with the Olsen twins back in the day) and baked oatmeal cookies. I put white and milk chocolate chips in mine. She put raisins in the rest for her and dad. And we sat for a little while playing cards, drinking coffee and eating cookies.

coffee, books, cards, cookies. perfect.

Pretty momma

Apron, favorite mug, and cookies!

We didn't play for long because I ended up with a headache and felt tired and went to lay down for a while. I finished a second book this morning and started a new one I got from the library yesterday. It's about slaves in Jamaica. Should be an interesting story.

Emmie ran outside and knocked her water bowl over and it made a funny design. Idk why but it reminded me of an old man's beard and made me want to paint. So I took a picture of it.

That is all for now. Not sure what tomorrow holds but hopefully it will start to cool off soon. I just checked the weather and it's gunna be yucky until around Wednesday where it cools down to 93... Woo.

Goodnight lovelies
Kris

The Most Terrifying Night of my Life

I debated sharing this. I knew I needed to get it out in some form, whether talking about it or writing it out. I'll probably end up talking more to my parents, but for now this works.

We went to my auntie's house yesterday to spend the day with them, go swimming, and get out of the 100+ heat. (They live closer to the coast so it's about ten degrees cooler) We played "volleyball" in the pool with the beach balls which was lots of fun. Made me remember all the fun times playing at our last two houses which had pools. We sat around the table and ate some bomb Mexican food for dinner. After that I laid down for a while because I was tired and felt kinda off. I hadn't been feeling well all day, and really for the last couple of days.We ended up leaving a little while later after they had eaten cheesecake for dessert! I'm jealous now, but at the time I didn't care. We got in the car where I proceeded to lay down in the back. We weren't on the road very long before this feeling came over me. I felt anxious. I was trying to take long, deep breaths but it wasn't working very well. I felt sick to my stomach and my head felt like it would explode. I wished that my head was bigger in order to contain the way it felt inside. It's a hard feeling to explain. I told my mom that I didn't feel good and I felt sick. I asked her to hold my hand. I started crying at one point I think. I can't remember all the details though cuz it was just horrible. I pressed my head against her arm as I held on to it. My dad pulled off the freeway so she could get in the back with me but we ended up getting out and walking a little bit. By this point, I am shaking, my legs are wobbly, my head wants to explode(it didn't quite hurt, it just felt like a lot of pressure), I feel sick to my stomach, and am praying and praying that I will be ok. Mom walks slowly with me as we hold each other around the waist. I decide I need to go to the bathroom so we walk down the little ravine that was there and went behind the bushes. When we first pulled to the side of the road, mom and I both thought the place my dad chose was a bad one but it ended up being the best place. Down the little ravine, behind the bushes there was privacy. At some point she held onto me and we hugged tightly as she prayed for me. I was really freaking out. (Rereading this last part, I don't feel like it does the justice of how I felt. I was freakin scared.)I end up calming down enough that I think we could try and make it home. Mom gets in the back seat with me with a blanket covering my legs and I lay my arm against the front seats and rest my head on it. My eyes were shut for a while as we continued to drive on and I tried to breathe deep and hummed to keep myself calm. I asked my dad to stop a little bit later so I could use the restroom again and we went to a gas station. I tried to throw up but couldn't. We headed on the road again and every second that passed I thought to myself, ok we're making progress. Getting a little further, a little closer to home. My eyes were shut most of the time as I leaned my head back on the seat or on mom's shoulder, but I could still see the blur of lights beyond my closed eyelids. I covered my eyes with my hand so I wouldn't see them, and later with a wet papertowel from the bathroom. Certain things throughout the whole ordeal would come to mind, and it would make my breathing worse or freak me out and I needed to stop and think about something else. I asked them to tell me a story or anything just to get my mind off of stuff. My dad told some stuff from when he was a kid but I told him to stop in the middle because his voice sounded so loud. We eventually got home later than expected obviously. When I saw the time, I realized that I really had no sense of the time passing as we drove. A lot of it is sorta a blur and I can't believe it happened. Mom slept on the floor in my room to make sure that I'd be ok throughout the night. I was, although I got up three times in the night and felt wide awake at each.

So with that lovely retelling of the events that occurred last night, done and over with, here I am. Evaluating things, thinking of the future, praying desperately that I never have to experience that ever again. But still being scared that it might happen. There have been moments since I got home(from Wisconsin), where I feel my breaths shorten and my heart rate goes up. Driving back towards the school, looking at the baseball fields was one time. And another which is a big reason of why certain parts of last night sucked and was made worse, the fear of dying. I've told people before, and I don't care how much I believe that I will go to heaven and be with the Lord for eternity, the thought of not existing here. scares. the. hell. out. of. me. No reassuring words are going to change that. Last week or a few days ago, I don't remember, after reading a memoir where the author deals with life during and after losing her mom to cancer, I had a mini little freak out. The thought of dying and not being here anymore scares me to death(ha!) It felt like my room was closing in around me, I had to focus on breathing right, and put my mind on something else to get distracted. It only lasted about a minute or two. It's not the first time that's happened but it was the longest, normally it's only a few seconds. And so with that said, this was on my mind last night as I was freaking out. With how my head felt, and how my body was reacting, I felt like I was dying and that scared me and only made it worse. Here I was, on the side of a busy street (cars rushing by only made me feel more anxious and they seemed so loud), clutching to my mother, panicking, and pleading with God to let me get through this somehow. I really thought that was going to be the end of it, and I was not ok with that happening. I'm not saying that I was going to die and that I clutched onto life and God let me have it. All I'm saying is that is the way it felt to me in the moment and it was the scariest thing I've ever experienced.
Sorry mom and dad for making you relive this, but I wanted to write it out. Maybe I shouldn't have done it publicly... but o well. This blog is called a candid portrait right? Why should I want to hide the exciting/hard/scary things? To everyone else, I am doing fine now but pray that this won't become a problem, because I never want to experience it again.

Silence and Rest

I keep coming back to a certain emotion/feeling/reaction/whatever in regards to the recent events.

Anger.

I don't like that. In fact, when I feel angry or mad, I end up getting even more angry or mad because I am angry and mad and don't want to be. How yucky! So I was laying in bed last night feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. And mad. I cried for a while. The gritty "pull all the covers to your face and breathe/cry/choke from lack of oxygen" kind of cry. I flipped over on my side to face the wall, feeling so frustrated with myself and my life. And then I get mad at myself for crying over my "horrible" "first world" problems when my life isn't that bad. And so I get mad because I feel like it is not ok for me to feel the way I am feeling. This so frustrating. So finally I got to the point that I just wanted some words of comfort. So I pulled out my small, worn bible that I love very much and flipped to the back. There are a few sections back there called "God's promises when you:" and "What to read when:". I love looking through these when I want to read but am not sure where to go. I skimmed the various categories, briefly pausing at "You need comfort", deciding that I would come back to that later. I moved on and then found what I felt like I needed. What to read when you are angry. The second verse it listed was in Psalms so I went straight to that.

Psalm 4:4
"In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent."

I have read this verse many a time but it never hit home with me so much as it did in that moment. In you anger... Not "if you get angry", but in your anger. As if making the assumption that one will get angry. This brought me comfort in the fact that it is ok to be angry. The anger I was feeling was valid, and there was nothing wrong with how I was feeling. The problem comes when your anger causes you to sin. As far as I'm concerned, I didn't do anything wrong because of my anger so I'm good! Ha!

I contemplated the rest of the verse for a little while, allowing God to work in me and quiet my heart and my thoughts. I began to "search" my heart. What were my concerns, worries, fears, disappointments? As I listed each one, I felt God saying "Ok, what else?" No condemnation or "that's not a good enough reason to be upset". Just OK, I hear you. What else is there? After I finished the "bad" list, I turned to more happy things. What were my hopes, wishes, desires? I answered all of these and laid them out. It felt good to list off these things, both good and bad, knowing God was there listening to my heavy heart. After I had gone through and consciously thought of each and every concern/desire on my heart I told God to take it and make me still. Bring me to silence. Help me to rest in him. The word that is used for be silent in verse 4 is the same word used for rest in Psalm 37:7 "Rest in the Lord...". I think that is wonderful and I believe that is something God is beginning to teach me to do. Be silent before him and learn to rest in his presence. A hard thing to practice but rewarding.

Recap

Recap of random things the last few days...

On Saturday morning, the three of us woke up early, made some coffee, bought some donuts and headed to Brackett Field to watch the planes take off and enjoy a coolish morning before the crazy heat came later in the day. It was a nice morning out of the house and I did a little bit of writing too.

The rest of the day consisted of trying to stay cool inside(we actually turned the air on so it wasn't super bad) because it was 101 degrees. Yuck! I spent a lot of time reading and writing and other various things. I need to be better disciplined about painting more as well.

On Sunday, after two days, mom and I(dad helped a little too) finished a 1000 piece puzzle(and later started another one just as big). The first one was cute and fairly easy compared to the new one we are working on. Will post a picture much later once we finish it.

 

Yesterday morning, mom and I went to Barnes and Noble and sat and read magazines for an hour and a half or so. There were some cool artsy/crafty magazines that I got a few interesting ideas from. Afterwards we went over to In n Out for lunch!! It tasted so good! I haven't had it in four months so it was quite delicious. Last night I went to the college group where we talked about witnessing, how to do it effectively, what not to do, how we feel about it and all that goes along with it. It was a very practical talk that should be spoken about more frequently. How many believers reading this feel a little apprehensive about the idea of witnessing? Maybe that's not the right word. Maybe just scared? Yep... But we're all called to be witnesses, so why aren't we doing it more often? Ugh conviction Haha. Something to think about and practice.

After the group was over, I came home and we waited for Colie and Ricky to get in from Brazil. Their flight got in super early so we headed out but traffic on the freeway was stopped and turns out they were closing all the lanes! We got off and went to next freeway but traffic was stopped there as well with the three left lanes closed. We got off the freeway again, I used a disgusting gas station bathroom and finally we were back on track again. Strangely enough, we ended up getting to the airport at the perfect time and picked up Colie and Ricky. They told stories in the car. There's something about those car rides after someone arrives home from a trip. The feel in the car as they share their experiences or just get used to being back in LA again. I like it. (Not LA, the feel)

We got back late and by the time I went to bed it was 2 in the morning. Woo! I slept in until the crazy dogs woke me up as they barked at the mail man. Otherwise I probably could have slept til noon! We had a yummy breakfast, eggs, biscuits and gravy, and fruit. The morning was spent watching the Olympics and hanging out.

Hopefully I will be posting another blog soonish with something more interesting than the everyday life stuff.

Kris



Time of Our Lives

Melissa and I had a lovely evening last night. She picked me up and we went to the art walk in downtown Covina.  Sad to say it, it was rather disappointing. There were hardly any booths in comparison to that one time I went a few months ago. But it was a nice night so it was fun walking downtown. She is in love with Sugar Bowl so we decided to hang out there for a little while. She bought me a shake and we drank them at the bar as we enjoyed the old fashioned diner set up. 

After finishing our shakes, we drove over to Covina park to see the Chalk festival. Well it wasn't too exciting. A few taped off squares on the tennis courts with mostly mediocre chalk drawings.

Fighting the dragon!

High school friends: Lauren Tuma drew this! This was the best one there!

After looking at the chalk drawings for a few minutes, we mosied down to the end of the park by the track and all the lovely trees. The sun was setting so it was the most beautiful time of day at the park. The shadows and stripes of light across the bright green grass. Mmm, it's lovely. We sat around talking for a while. Good good talks were had last night. There at the park and later as well. Since the sun was going down, it also got a lot cooler and I was in a little tank top and shorts. So she took me home quick and I changed and we headed out again.

I ended up taking her to my parking garage. "My" haha but it feels like mine whenever I go up there. We had already missed the sunset but that was ok. We listened to music and talked about "life" things. The future, the past, and everything in between. I have such a wonderful friend. She took a few peectures of me as well.

After feeling a little too sad and emotional, I took off my shoes and started dancing around in the parking lot. She joined me and we acted real crazy and silly. It's good to have a best friend you can be silly with.

A little later, we saw a car drive into the garage and I figured they would come to the top so we got back in her car to wait them out. They drove up there and turned back around and left. We ended up staying in the car and just sat and talked some more as the music played. Sad things, exciting things, emotional things, hard things, looking forward to the future things, and again, all the in betweens. Without really realizing it, it had gotten dark and the stars came out. 

As we sat in the seats of her beautiful mustang, windows rolled down, serious talks and occasional bursts of laughter, it felt like we were in a book. We were the two main characters, best friends, enjoying each other's company as the summer night came to a close with the twinkling stars.

Transformation Before Harvest

So sometimes in the middle of the night, I will wake up and jot something down that I just dreamt about. It's a way to remind myself later what I was dreaming of and to wonder if it actually means something important or not. Apparently I did this last night, and must have been half asleep because I don't really remember doing it. I made a new text in my phone and wrote "Spend more time transforming it than harvesting it". I have no clue what I was dreaming about... but am quite interested in what this means and what it pertains to. The feeling I'm getting is that it has something to do with a seed. And that it takes more time to transform it into the final product than it does to just harvest it and "be done with it" so to speak.

I feel as if there is a lesson to be learned in this. If I evaluate my life, I see that I spend my time thinking/worrying about the end result. The harvest, I guess you could say. But according to this advice from my dream, there should be more time spent transforming "it"/me and less time focusing on the actual harvest, when everything comes full circle, and feels accomplished or finished (for the time being).

I hope the above isn't just some crazy rambling and that it actually makes sense, but what I'm taking away from this is that I need to enjoy "now", the present. This is a time of transforming and growing and that is where most of the time and importance lies. I need to accept this idea and learn to be content in this season of change as I grow closer to the Lord and more identical to who Jesus was as a person. I need to stop looking ahead to the end. What will I be doing with my life? Who will I marry? What will my kids be like? Will I be satisifed and happy with the life/path I choose? These things, they're not important. They are, but I need to stop worrying and wondering about them. And instead choose to be fully present in the here and now and enjoy this growing and changing process that God is taking me through.