God Is the Strength of My Heart

The last few days have been intense. Extremely intense. And it’s moments like these where I am forced to make a decision. Do I attempt to pull myself together and stumble my way forward, blinded and alone? Or do I get down on my knees and ask for help from the only one who sees everything going on?

There has been a very real spiritual battle over me this weekend(I'll get into that later). I know why too. A few weeks ago, I felt called to ask for prayer requests of people in the young adults group (foolishly, I didn’t at the time), then felt like I wanted to set aside half an hour each day for intercessory prayer. Then it was confirmed by someone from church that Alex and I should be praying for the group together. That we should intercede on behalf of the group. Then on Thursday, while I was dogsitting I watched a few different sermons, messages, and worshippy things on TV. One happened to be a live prayer and prophetic conference at IHOP in Kansas City. The speaker taught about the prophetess Anna in Luke 2:36-38.  He pointed out that not only was she a prophetess, but also an intercessor (v37) as she worshiped day and night, with fasting and praying. He continued on saying that she was also an evangelizer, for she told people about Jesus(v38). He believed that there were people who were called to be Anna’s. That those people are called to be “intercessory missionaries”. Each of the three: prophecy, intercession, and evangelizing work together to make an intercessory missionary. Prophecy is used to give direction to the intercession and because of the intercession, evangelizing takes place(He explained it much better).  Intercessory missionaries are people that would be reaching the nations, but through intercession. These people would day and night, choose to worship the Lord, with fasting and praying. Their prayers would begin to change the lives of the people around them. He prayed over the crowd and also those watching on TV that intercessory missionaries would rise up. That they would be called and God would anoint them. I asked the Lord for this. I felt like it was an extension of everything that has been happening the last few weeks. All this intercession and prayer talk. I felt like this was just a natural progression with everything that had been occurring. And so I share with you in faith, that God has anointed me to be an intercessory missionary. What a wondrous thing to know a call that God has put on your life and to know that he will use that in great ways to further his kingdom. But just as Jesus was tempted and tried by the devil before he began his public ministry, so too will we be tempted when we start making progress for/in God's kingdom. And I think that’s where this weekend comes in(sorry that took a while haha). All weekend long, I had been wracked with thoughts, exhausted and overwhelmed by emotions and feelings, and plagued by lies of the enemy that would have me fail. I’ve been eating less, sleeping more, but looking like I stayed up all night. It’s been hard but I gotta keep on moving forward and making progress. There’s the slightest part in me that wants to say that I failed yesterday. But I must look at the good, not the bad. Look at what was accomplished, what was saved, not at what I gave in to momentarily. I battled with a demon of depression yesterday. I haven’t had a problem with this in quite some time, and yesterday it came on me seemingly out of nowhere.  I struggled. For a little while, it seemed like I would fail. But through prayer and the dedication of a loved one, I had the victory! I am so glad that I did. It’s taught me something. It showed me, that that crap can come out of nowhere. That I must always be on guard. And that if I’m not spending time with the Lord, it’s going to be that much easier for me to fall. If I’m not in the Word, and I don’t know the truth of the word, how will I know when the enemy is speaking lies to me? That is exactly what happened yesterday. The enemy was speaking lies in my head and the scary thing is, I knew it. I was completely aware of it, and I listened. It breaks my heart now, knowing that I didn’t stand up, but I know that God still loves me and he will always give me the strength if I ask him. I must cling to him always. Through the trials, suffering, and pain, he is my only hope.

All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

All our failure
And all our fear
God our love
He has overcome

All our heartache
And all our pain
God our healer
He has overcome

All our troubles
And all our tears
God our hope
He has overcome

God our refuge
God our strength
God is with us
He has overcome

Some powerful lyrics from Hillsong United’s Aftermath album. Really really good.

All this to say, that God is working in me. It’s intense, and I’ve been attacked and I know it’s not going to end there. Pray for me. I need it. Pray that I don’t lose sight of my hope, Jesus. Pray that I hold fast to 2 Corinthians 4: 16 and 17 “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” And also to James 1:2-4 “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” Pray that I continue to stand strong, but also not to be discouraged when things are tough. Pray that I will seek him in everything. And finally, pray that I may know and remember that the God of peace has equipped me with everything good for doing his will(Heb 13:20,21). If I'm ever in a hard situation, I must not forget that he has already given me the tools to move through it. What a great God! He is loving and merciful and worthy of all praise.

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name."(!) Psalm 103:1

 

Writing My Story

Donald Miller never ceases to amaze me. I want to get his new book.

Read his newest blog here: How I Use MySubplot


Then go here and read about my own "life" stories that I am writing: MyStories (more to come later)


Finally, go make your own.



Love.