Fire Fall Down

...on us we pray.

The Holy Spirit fell and consumed us to our very cores
Diminishing confusion, doubts, fears, and insecurities
Molding us more into his likeness
Giving us passion and endurance to keep following after him
We will run after you!

From behind, Karen placed her hands on my shoulders and began to pray. The first sentence out of her mouth, "Lord I pray against any doubt and fear in this young woman's life..." Earlier that morning, I asked my friend Lindsey if she could pray for me. Doubt and fear were the two issues I addressed and low and behold, God made this known to Karen, a woman I have never spoken to before. As soon as those words escaped her lips, I was caught up and brought to tears. She spoke encouragement into my life, praying that I would know my worth and the calling God has given me. I stood there, tears running down my face knowing that God was present and he was speaking to people about me and using them to minister to my life.
My girlfriend Rebecca stood next to me and rubbed my back. Over and over again, not stopping for probably half an hour. Somewhere in there my girl Liz came over and placed her hand on my shoulder and started praying for me. She prayed against doubt and that I would know the fullness of Christ's love for me. I can't remember a lot of what she said but I know that she was speaking to our God on my behalf and that she is so precious to me. Jose came over and laid his hands on me, praying that God's fire would fall on me and that his Holy Spirit would come. More, more, more. Then he began to pray love, love, love. And I broke. I needed to feel the awesome love from my savior, and I did! I became consumed by his love and knew then that nothing else mattered. No relationship I've been in or will be in can ever include a love like the love my God has for me. I knew this and instantly felt a sense of freedom. I had this reassurance that God loved me and I no longer cared if I had a significant other to feel love from. (Sadly, this is always mulling around in my brain... and I crave the love of another human being so much... but it's no longer that important to me, which I would say is some great progress! haha) Anyway.... God showed his great love for me on Wednesday night, I was so consumed by it... It was amazing.
I could probably write more... but I don't feel like it at the moment.
The thing I love about this, is that it is so easy to ask people, "Hey what did God speak to you on Wednesday night?" They share a story of God's goodness and then I can return the favor. We need to be sharing all the great stuff(and not so fun stuff) that God is doing in our lives with each other. We can build each other up with how God is working, we just need to take the opportunities that he gives us.

Woman From Man

"The woman came out of a man's rib: not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal; under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved"

 Not sure where this comes from, but someone had this on their facebook and I liked it.

:)

Simple

What a lovely night it has been. Bekah read three awesome stories she wrote last year, Kristina and I watched Brady Bunch, and Hannah and I talked about things in a magazine and my greek quiz. Simple things but so much fun.
We also started writing a story together about an enchanted forest, complete with magic, an old hag, and a beautiful couple. It's going to be awesome.

I think I needed tonight. A simple night to just kick it with my girlies(they're not my girlfriends, I was babysitting, but they are on the older side) and not worry about anything. I needed to have fun writing a crazy story that probably won't end up making any sense and spending time with the girls. I put them to bed and prayed with them, something that I always forget we used to do as kids. We ate chocolate pudding, and giggled while we came up with elements to add to our fantastical story.

The life of a child is so simple and easy. I was thinking about what changes, what causes kids to grow up and start caring what other people think and act based on those things. And I came to the conclusion that it is puberty. That, and Junior High. Makes sense right? But I wish it didn't. I wish we could have these carefree attitudes, totally excited about little things that we think are awesome, and not afraid to share it with anyone that will listen. Why must we suppress these things and ignore them?

I hate this. Lately, I've been wishing life was simpler. But the life an adult is never simple it seems.


I'm not satisfied with this post... but o well. I'm running on barely any sleep and a long full day. This'll have to do....

In My Love

Needed this today, enjoy:



I have looked you in the eyes
I have seen the tears you cried
I have heard you question why you are here

There is a reason, there’s a plan
There is a God Who understands
He’s got your life inside His hands
Have no fear
Cuz He says

In all your hurt and in all your pain
I’ll never leave, I won’t forsake
You’re my child and I’m your God
Come and rest in my love

I know this road is deep
And I know you’re tired and weak
But the God of perfect peace is right here

He is the shelter from the storm
He is the rock forth and secure
He is hope forever more
Have no fear
Cuz He says

In all your hurt and in all your pain
I’ll never leave, I won’t forsake
You’re my child and I’m your God
Come and rest in my love
When everything seems out of control
I’m holding on, I won’t let go
You’re my child and I’m your God
Come and rest in my love

There is hope tonight
There is everlasting life
Dry away your tears
Coz tomorrow is on the rise
Love will never fail
He will never fail
He says

In all your hurt and in all your pain
I’ll never leave, I won’t forsake
You’re my child and I’m your God
Come and rest in my love
When everything seems out of control
I’m holding on, I won’t let go
You’re my child and I’m your God
Come and rest in my love
In my love
In my love

A Dream

I found this on stumbleupon today. 

I love him.

 

A DREAM

Edgar Allan Poe, 1827


    In visions of the dark night
    I have dreamed of joy departed-
    But a waking dream of life and light
    Hath left me broken-hearted.


    Ah! what is not a dream by day
    To him whose eyes are cast
    On things around him with a ray
    Turned back upon the past?


    That holy dream- that holy dream,
    While all the world were chiding,
    Hath cheered me as a lovely beam
    A lonely spirit guiding.


    What though that light, thro' storm and night,
    So trembled from afar-
    What could there be more purely bright
    In Truth's day-star?

Falling Slowly

I've been singing this a lot lately with random friends and it's always stuck in my head.

Love it!

Nothings

So I've realized that when I get home from a long day of work or school, I don't want anyone to bother me. I don't want you to ask me how my day was or what I did. I need time to relax and chill out from the day. I need to be alone and undisturbed. Then we can talk.
No later than two minutes after I had written the above, my best friend called me to catch up. One of the first things she said was "How was work?" I had to laugh at the irony. But I turned it on her and said she should go first. (I got out of answering the question too haha) Anyway, I just think it's funny.

I miss my best friend.
I'm listening to a Snow Patrol CD that I haven't listened to since last summer.
I'm trying to decide whether I should a) read the new Dekker book I've had sitting around for the last two weeks, b) read/listen to Showbread's Anorexia/Nervosa CD, or c) finish a painting I started two nights ago... or the smart answer would be to go to sleep.

I haven't been doing the smart answers lately. And I'm probably gunna end up running myself into the ground with it ending in a fit of tears and exhaustion. You'd think I would make different decisions knowing that I know that is probably what is coming. But I don't.
Dumb.

A Fall Day At Its Best

Not sure if it's complete yet, but here goes:


Sweet cinnamon spices drift from the hot oven as it heats up my small home. Knowing I have time before my cake is done baking, I grab my coat and slip on my boots ready to take in the autumn weather on a short walk. Soon after I exit the front door and shut it behind me, a strong breeze flies by leaving my hair flapping wildly. I immediately wish I had thought of bringing my hat but quickly decide that I like the freedom of the wind blowing through my dirty blonde tresses. The air feels cool and crisp like the first apple of the season. I breathe slow and deep, taking it all in. I walk next to the curb letting my feet crunch the fallen leaves and I am taken back to my childhood. Back to those fall days where we would get up on Saturday mornings and go for a walk, looking for the prettiest of leaves to save for table decorations. We would get bundled up and skip through the piles of leaves lining the sidewalks. Giggling and kicking the brown crunchy ones up at each other. Oh to be carefree like the child I once was. I am brought back to the present as I feel large drops of rain kiss my hair and face. I smile as I stare up at the overcast sky, overjoyed by the perfection of the day. I glance at my watch and realize my timer is probably going off right about now. Where did the time go? I pick up the pace and turn in the direction of my house, excited to get out from the cold and into the warmth of the place I call home.

The End

I was walking along the street and turned my face toward the heavens. The sky was suddenly drained of its vibrant blue hue and bled into a crimson red. The sun was shining hot and bright. I instantly fell flat on my face. I knew not why, but that is the posture I had to take. Somehow I also knew that this was all of mankind's posture at that same moment. Everywhere people were falling on their faces before our creator.
As soon as I bowed low, I heard my God speak to me directly and personally. His voice was strong, clear and full of vigor, but still gentle. Right then, I became completely awestruck by my Lord. He had created me, this worthless little human and yet he still loved me so deeply. The life I lived here on earth was important but it was nothing compared to what would be happening soon. He was so great and mighty, I couldn't quite comprehend. I became overwhelmed and began to cry as my heart was filled with gratitude and a bit of fear as I knew what was coming next. I would soon be brought back to my past failures, regrets, and shortcomings. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I knew God's grace would cover me.





And then I woke up.

Orange Juice

So for the longest time I never drank orange juice because I don't like oranges. Therefore, the juice would be yucky right? Well when we were in Kenya, they packed us sack lunches that always included juice and more often than not it was OJ. I was normally super thirsty and probably tired of drinking only water so I would drink those tiny orange juice juiceboxes like there was no tomorrow. That time in Kenya was the ONLY time I've had orange juice, ever. Until this morning.

I helped with the youth group at my church this morning and we had pancakes(it went along with the lesson...) Two of us leaders were supposed to act really hungry and really thirsty(I was the thirsty one) but the lady speaking, Heidi, wasn't going to give us what we wanted. She served everyone pancakes and made me serve the juice, but we couldn't get what we wanted. Eventually she felt generous and served us up and connected it to the verse that says (rough paraphrase) "When I was hungry, you fed me. When I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink. When I was an outsider, you brought me in." As I finally was given something to drink(I had actually become quite thirsty from the pancakes so it was no longer acting haha) I had orange juice. And the last and only time I had it was in Kenya. What a weird feeling. For those of you who drink OJ nearly every morning you probably think I'm crazy. But for me it took me back to those times of eating peanut butter and nutella sandwiches in the hot bus in the middle of Maasailand, or eating three apples in an empty lot in the middle of a slum as children climbed up the side of the bus, to eating potato crisps (chips) in a large room surrounded by orphans eating only a small plate of beans, and lastly to a time of watching baboons steal my friends lunch as I was sitting in the safety of our bus.

It was weird being brought back to it all again so suddenly. I didn't even think of the fact that I was drinking OJ until I took that first sip and thought I should be sitting inside the bus with the windows down as I stared out at muddy streets full of people who filled me with so much compassion and love.
All from a tiny glass of orange juice.

You're Gunna Miss Me

I found this on Stumbleupon today.
Enjoy :)

Spirit Fall

I first got this Living Sacrifice CD back in Junior high when I started going through my hardcore metal stage. I listened to it quite a bit and then it sorta just disappeared. A few years later I was going through crap and found it again. I listened to it and it was just amazing. Here I am again, pulling it out after not listening to it for close to a year. It never gets old.

Great song...



Spirit fall on this land,
Convicting power cleansing man
Reveal your truth to blind eyes,
Rip the scales from their sight
Holy Spirit be thee praised
Arise, be made new
In the fullness of His truth
Repent and believe by His power
You'll be free
Anointing fall on this place,
Spirit of God
We give you praise,
We give you praise,
We give you praise,
We give you...

Make It Stop.

Sometimes I get in these fits where my mind is in this creative mode and my thoughts just keep moving, spinning, morphing, etc. It freaks me out sometimes. I become exhausted and hot and I want it to all just stop. Words run around in my head begging me to figure out a way to write them down well. Colors swirl, shifting shapes, changing pictures, everything. It doesn't stop it's hard sometimes to just sit and be chill when this happens. I want so badly for my mind to chill out and just relax but it's going a million miles an hour with creative flow. Which is cool I guess, but not when you have no idea what do with it all or when you have other crap to do that is more important. But maybe it really is more important to take care of the creative juices flowing around.
Gahhh

Make it stop.

Beauty

Full.



Sin.

Full.



Wonder.

Full.












what a gracious God
his love abounds
reaching out to where I have retreated
his love never fails

no conditions
just pure love
covering my scars
drying my tears
healing my heart
giving me hope
showing me joy
and bringing me peace

I'm Not Alright

If weakness is a wound
That no one wants to speak of
Then “cool” is just how far we have to fall
I am not immune
I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth, I need to confess

I’m not alright
I’m broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you, it leads me to you

Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
Until everything I hide behind is gone
And when I’m open wide
With nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on
Cause honestly, I’m not that strong

I’m not alright
I’m broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
It leads me to you, it leads me to you

And I move, and I move, and I move...closer to you
And I move, and I move, and I move...closer to you
And I move, and I move, and I move...closer to you
And I move, and I move, and I move...

I’m not alright
I’m broken inside, broken inside
broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through
Leads me to you, leads me to you

I’m not alright, I’m not alright, I’m not alright...that’s why I need you

-Sanctus Real

Yes

9/3/11

Thoughts spill into parted lips

Can’t hold back

To strong

Explosions in my mind

Create elusive remnants

Of what I can’t be sure

Cravings surge through my limp body

Desires run amok as I lift my eyes to the stars

My heart sings songs I do not know

But are familiar none the less

Can’t stop moving

Beat pulsing through my veins

As music seeps into my soul

Embracing the empty spaces

Smiles creep up

Laughter released deep from my belly

Joy is displayed in the viewfinder before my eyes

I tumble through the stars as I lose my place

Nothing matters anymore

Just the pounding bass

Racing inspirations

Taking colorful form

Painting pictures I see in my minds eye

Plenty of canvas here

Empty white walls

Surrounding me as I dream

I throw colors against the wall

Blue green hues

Bright orange bursts

Splendor dazzling through the air

I spin in careless circles

Eyes head heart

Light

Dancing in bliss